The Will to Live: How it Changes with Age

When I was in my teens and twenties, the fact of my ultimate death really disturbed me.  I would have sudden flashes of horror, thinking "I'm going to die!  I'm mortal!  It isn't fair!"  I remember taking night courses at West Valley College in Campbell, California, drinking vending machine coffee at the break, and suddenly feeling the horror:  "I'm going to die!"  Death might be sixty years in the future, but that just wasn't long enough.  I wanted to live forever.

Now I am in my sixties and death no longer holds the dread it once did.  I realize that I don't want to live forever.  After six decades on the earth, I feel a bit jaded.  I have had my share of joys, sorrows, hopes and disappointments.  There were birthday cakes and graduations and weddings and children along life's path.  Much of life now seems a case of "been there, done that."

So many of the people I loved have moved on to the next world.  My father and mother, my uncles and aunts, my grandparents, as well as many beloved pets.  I often get the feeling that I need to follow them and find them once again.  If they can die, so can I.

However, if you give me a chest full of fine cigars, a few cases of good wheat beer, some jazz to listen to and a string bass to play, well then,  I can probably hang around a bit longer.  When the dark angel finally does come, though, I won't argue.  There's a time for everything.

Is There a Sixth Sense? How Do You Access It?

Several years ago I attended a charity event in San Francisco.  It was a night to honor SF 49er Bill Ring, a football player.  As part of the charity's fund raising, several items were being auctioned off.  One of them was a football with all of the 49ers' signatures, including those of Joe Montana, Steve Young, Dwight Clark, Ronnie Lott and Jerry Rice.  The winner would be selected by drawing tickets from a fishbowl.

I looked at the football in a glass case and I knew I wanted it badly.  For some reason, I had this strange feeling that winning it was not only possible, but likely.  It was as if some power of attraction had been unleashed.  While looking at the football, I felt a thrill in my chest. When the drawing finally began, I had this tickly feeling in my head, like someone was tickling my brain with a feather.  I knew I was going to win but I don't know how or why I knew that.  I won it, and while I was going up to collect it, I won the next drawing too -- a pair of tickets to a 49er home game.  What happened?   How did I attract such luck?  How did I sense winning before the fact?

Is there a sixth sense?  I think there is, though we don't know how it works, when it works or why.

I have been unemployed for four months due to the terrible economy.  However, two nights ago I was making up my bed just before sleep and worrying about getting work.  Suddenly I had that tickly feeling in my head again and it told me that jobs would soon become available.  Instead of dismissing it as an idle or stray thought, I brought it into full focus; I kind of mentally grabbed it before it could disperse like smoke in the wind.  I thought to myself, okay, tomorrow I will test this revelation for accuracy and see if any potential jobs appear.

Over the next three days I was contacted by three different job providers who wanted resumes.  It was the first time I've had any employers call me in four months about jobs.  I therefore count the Sixth Sense to have been accurate.   If only this sense would appear more often; if only I could invoke it at will!  However, it is comforting to know that strange forces sometimes operate for our benefit.

Postscript:  There is a common thread that runs through my metaphysical experiences, whether they be the mystical experience, divining my own eternal existence or the premonitions I describe above.  All of these feelings seemed natural and oddly familiar, as if they were things I already knew but had forgotten.

Paranormal Activity: Scary New Movie

Rainy Weather and I Love It

South Park Lampoons "Ghost Hunters"

The latest episode of "South Park" lampoons the television show "Ghost Hunters."  This episode is called "Dead Celebrities" and features Kyle's little brother Ike.  Ike starts seeing dead celebrities, just like in the movie "the Sixth Sense."  Eventually, Kyle and the gang bring in "the Ghost Hunters" team to investigate.  The Ghost Hunters occasionally have sudden panic attacks, saying "DID YOU HEAR THAT? OMIGOD!  DID YOU HEAR THAT??"  Of course there is nothing to hear.  Finally, the team shows up at the house and looks for ghosts in the dark, where the two men piss their pants, followed by the team rushing from the house in panic.

I agree with South Park's portrayal of this foolish show.  The Ghost Hunters go to some old house or castle or hotel where they look for ghosts, usually in the dark.  They shine flashlights around and talk about the place and its legends, interview credulous sorts who describe the horrible phantasms they have witnessed in the place.  Since they have to make the show interesting, they must detect ghosts or paranormal activity or they have no show.  So every show is punctuated with outbursts like those described in South Park.  "ARE THERE ANY GHOSTS HERE?  DID YOU SEE THAT!  OMIGOD!  I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW!"

I suspect that most of these outbursts are total BS.  The show is rather boring if you want to know the truth.

It's Colder Than a Witch's Tit In a Brass Bra

The temperatures continue to fall here in Northern California.  In the 1960's there was a rock group called "Three Dog Night."  A three dog night in Australia was when it was so cold you had to sleep with three dogs for warmth.  I supposed in the summer you required only one dog or maybe no dogs at all.  I only have one dog and he's pretty warm, though he does annoy me by hogging the covers.

Please excuse my unfortunate reference to Nancy Pelosi in the title to this post.  I have no way of knowing if her bra is made of brass or of cast iron.

Finally, Fall Weather and a Chill in the Air

The heat of summer is finally disappearing. Technically, fall began on September 22, but it didn't feel like fall until yesterday.   I noticed it yesterday afternoon.

The air smells and feels different when fall finally arrives.  The sunlight is more muted.  There is the sweet smell of dying grasses, wafted on a breeze with a deep new chill...a chill that somehow touches the bone.  This morning I noticed it was downright cold and I am wearing a sweatshirt over my usual t shirt.  October begins tomorrow and the fields around my town are filled with ripe orange pumpkins.  Soon jack-o-lanterns will be found on every porch and doorstep.

I love this time of year.